Master of None

After attending a wedding and a movie premiere, Dev and Rachel have to face up to all kinds of issues between them.

Taxi! Taxi!

I love seeing ethnically mixed couples.

-Lovely to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

Larry, you are able to absorb all of life

Goddamn. I mean, that exists?

Dev, you're a great guy.

And I've basically invested two of my prime years with you,

so you can move forward with your life?

in about three years.

What's the problem?

We got married right away, no problem.

Sylvia Plath, Bell Jar.

and the tree dies.

Um, Dr. Vincent is kind of the heartbeat of the film, you know?

I'm so proud of you.

All right, I'll make an exception this one time for you.

Let's do this, baby!

Yeah, but that was, like, five years ago.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

Is that all you have to say for yourself?

Well, you're charming. It was nice meeting you.

What's up?

and I got cut out completely?

promise not to get mad at me, and we can have a conversation.

the road ahead in your life, it's not as clear.

whoever you're with, that's maybe it, you know?

Or what, are you, like, 100% sure about everything?

Okay, fine, yeah, let's write it down.

No, if there's a movie on Rotten Tomatoes and it has a 70%,

Definitely got Rachel pissed very quickly.

in a cozy house with little Devs running around,

a wonderful future beckoned and winked.

with queer names and offbeat professions,

the figs began to wrinkle and go black.

Yeah, I think we should.

and you're kind of right.

Dude, I can't believe they cut both of us out of the movie entirely.

I did this thing where I had each of us

That's a C-minus. It's horrible.

I mean, I'm in a great marriage, and sometimes we're at 90.

the kindling, right?

Dev and Rachel discover that living together isn't always going to be a series of happy mornings free from conflict and dirty clothes on the floor.

They're just like...

in this relationship?

if you're gonna live here, you know, and be clean.

You think that I'm living in your place.

Floor...

Sorry.

You see?

Because we used to have, like, crazy, amazing sex all the time.

-What? -Yeah, you're always like...

I'll just use it for lumbar support when I'm watching TV.

I have an idea.

If you catch any of my clothes on the floor or on the chair,

No, that's not fair.

Shut up!

What do your parents know about me?

so she can fast-forward through them to watch your commercials.

and feed him, like, chicken and dumplings."

I might just be better at eating pasta.

Wow, that's a long time.

I support it!

with the bands I'm really passionate about,"

I don't move to Chicago for six months

I'm 30 years old. I can't just start over.

Come on.

Hey.

I did it!

All right, open them.

Yeah, because you've been gone.

because I talked to them how I was unhappy working with all the crappy bands,

But, um,

-Hello. -Hey.

that you've been living with this girl for a whole year

Stop it, Ramesh.

Thank you so much.

Okay.

An unexpected death inspires Dev and Rachel to visit Rachel's grandmother, while Arnold contends with a strange inheritance.

before discarding them into the recycling bins?

Hampton Baumheiser was a proud veteran,

and now he's dead.

Can we not talk about the golden age of tennis either?

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'll call up. She goes, "Hello!"

But then I got there, and I just watched Dexter on my iPad.

Oh, Dad, this thing's pretty heavy,

That's great. You seem very nice.

Wow. What a biography. Thanks, Rachel.

That's insane.

but their drummer just did some mushrooms

Yeah. We'll be fine.

All right, I don't know what she does.

Trying to watch TV.

And then we jump into a helicopter, right?

You know what I like?

He steals our phone chargers. I know it.

You got puzzles, books-- Mostly Bibles,

Yeah, my friend's grandpa had one,

I can't leave the home unless I'm with someone

Very underwhelming.

and he's thinking about moving here

and you slam their head down like this, boom!

"All right--" You know, just awful.

Bamonte's combination salad?

Then you started dating?

What was it like dating back then?

You weren't constantly concerned about what else was out there.

"Oh, once my mom drove me to see Hootie and the Blowfish."

It was called... a scam band, or a... scar band.

Warm?

I was walking on the street,

I felt like I could go anywhere,

So I just pulled over, got out, and walked away.

What happened when you left? Did she say anything?

What is this?

and she went to the bathroom, and she's been taking a while,

I'm not a detective.

This is her favorite jazz club.

Rachel and Denise school Dev and Arnold about the difficulties of being a woman in a world of creepy dudes. Dev is inspired to embrace feminism.

Who's the "they" in that scenario?

Oh, cool, man.

Now I got to wipe out the poo.

- Yeah, I, uh, need assistance. - Give it to me straight. Be honest.

That looks fantastic.

and on my way home... stepped in dog poo.

Um...

Ooh, is that the pet store where they got the pup cam

Failure to Launch.

True. She did kill it in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Um, I got one from Arnold.

What can two gentlemen like us do to help?

Wow, I'm really impressed you knew that.

My large stature can keep you safe.

Oh, it's fine.

Do you... You want to go get some boba tea?

Oh, fuck, I think this dude over here is jerking off.

But it's kind of a long-term play.

Ask the conductor to call the police?

Stop what you're doing! This is a citizen's arrest!

See, I told you there was a conductor.

It's where I get all my silverware, all my musical instruments,

So this is the couch.

These pillows feel like they're filled with angel feathers.

What if society told youse you couldn't do the sexual acts that you liked?

Whoa.

Yeah, he was such a sweet kid, but when he was 15,

He really loves this couch.

You're just putting the disease in you.

Good for you, man, wow.

The other day at CVS, this guy tells me,

are having a barbecue, and one of their wives

Your part got nixed.

Oh, man, I wish I didn't have to let you go, brother.

At Garden Depot, they have the best deals

And action!

So we got you this.

Do you know what gluten does to you?

To me not getting fired at my next gig!

That guy only introduced himself to the men at the table.

He just went to the bathroom, washed his hands, they're still wet.

Do you really think that guy has something against women

For his first official date with Rachel, Dev decides to go big and take her to Nashville for the weekend.

"Are you down to clown in Nash-town?"

Told you.

Oh, nothing.

- Here, I'll grab this. - Oh, thank you.

Uh, so what's been going on with you?

in an interview.

Oh, I feel like I have so many ideas that would work on Shark Tank.

Trazam: this time, money does grow on trees.

That's why I got confused. I'm sorry.

and you went to a public high school for students, uh,

That didn't make sense.

Mm, agreed.

how come no other animals get ghosts?

I know "honky" is, like, a semi-racist term for white people.

All right, honky, let's go tonk.

So I was looking for a jacket that really conveyed

Um, Vanilla Ice, To the Extreme.

Sorry?

Plus-sized people.

I mean, I eat fish.

yeah, they might have an opinion about it.

it would be an entire life of never going splitsies

I didn't anticipate they'd cook literally everything in pork fat.

The white barbecue sauce...

Well, we could continue exploring this beautiful city

- Baby Justin. - No. Don't do that, seriously.

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Seems kind of dumb, though.

You just look up, and it's closed.

So you can just travel then.

You ready for this?

[in Australian accent] I'm from Sydney.

Yeah, but I looked up the traffic on Waze, and it'll take us 12 minutes.

It's called Air Force One.

Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

[sauntering country music]

Sure.

takes this whirlwind of emotions that I'm feeling right now

Dev has the chance to hook up with a woman he meets at a party, but the opportunity comes with a few complications.

- Over there, the redbone chick. - I don't see anybody with red bones.

than she has in the last six months.

I got so many aliases.

This is cool. You're cool.

Am I, like, Vanilla Sky-ing myself right now?

Uh, yeah, I do.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

My husband's company is the number one polluter

I think I should get the fuck out of here.

had a Denise experience last night.

I left as soon as I found out.

No! No kids.

with a snow globe, rolling my body up in a rug,

No way, you're totally wrong.

Small crew, spent a lot of time together with her on set.

It's 100% success rate in terms of you

And we've had every version of sex, right?

and she didn't have any emotional attachment to the guy?

Come.

So I do a movie where I am a car.

Why not just CarMan?

Yeah, the King Kong Banana Split.

That's the last King Kong Banana Split.

Oh, that is disgusting.

Oh, nah, you should not have done that.

Hello? Dev?

Good night.

It's Nina, remember?

That is not what girls wear

There's this amazing sushi place that I want to try.

No, you fucking don't!

It was the last King Kong Banana Split!

That's the dude whose wife I slept with.

Actually, that whole thing brought to light

It's a fantastic table.

Dev has a series of eye-opening experiences after he encounters some casual racism in TV auditions.

I want to try it again, but this time,

I would argue that the same could be said of this cab driver.

What, you don't know how to do it? It's super easy, man.

full of philosophical platitudes.

I mean, I can go donate money to charity.

-They used brownface makeup. -Wait, what?

You think they're gonna let me play Blade?

Nush.

The show creator says, "Dev and Ravi are perfect."

Damn. Man, if that email got leaked, that person would get fired.

You got to find Al Sharpton and go have tea with him or whatever.

Private racism becoming public racism

I don't give a shit about the apology.

I don't rep him. Therefore, I don't give a fuck about him.

I'm trying to get this Friends money, and you fucking it up.

I am truly sorry for the email.

I'm not who you think I am.

I mean, what's to stop Jerry Ferrara from just tackling a player?

He's just sitting here on his phone. Now he's stealing nachos.

but he says happy birthday, and he'll see you at home.

You know what?

-Cool. -How you doing, brother?

He and I are invested in the same company.

Oh, so you're getting ready to invest

He said that he wanted to see if I could curry his favor.

especially because you got the leverage in this situation.

Your email had a bad joke in it, right?

Every show has two white people. People don't say that.

make a hundred episodes, get a huge syndication deal,

So, man, we got to talk a little business,

Yeah, there's more Indians popping up every now and then,

No, just Sean Hayes. Jack.

Ooh, what about this spaghetti? Can I have this?

Because he took you to a basketball game?

Danvers loves you, but look,

Yeah, I wouldn't do that shit either.

I remember that shit.

Hey, what's up? Dev.

That's been on the docket since, like, '94.

Breadsticks. Redskins.

I disagree with literally everything he says, but...

Joan Erickson is the new head,

is dead.

It's been a rough couple days.

"You know, why can't there be two Indian actors

and totally assimilated.

Dev's plan to score a date with a pretty waitress by inviting her to a concert doesn't have quite the result he wanted.

The secret show?

Um, in the description, I put "headband."

But James can help you if you need anything.

then you're running the risk that she's just using you for that tickie.

And we create a little

I know. I know.

Okay. Sweet.

I'm gonna write back, "Sorry, just ate.

Mm-hmm, I think you should.

What the fuck does he want?

She recently posted a video of her popping bubble wrap.

Yep. That's it.

about this whole Alice situation, you know?

I think I'm just gonna send a little question mark.

climbing out of a briefcase?

"Hey, it's Dev. Good meeting you."

cuddle up with my loving wife and watch three to five hours

No.

Uh, "Just put a stew on, might be a few hours."

But do you like haunted houses?

All right.

Respect my Cumberbatch!

- Aw. - Aw, come on, man.

If I played pool all the time for, like, three months,

She said her work schedule changed.

and it's accepted.

About three years.

No, no, no, you will respect my authority!

Oh, can you take a Vine of me real quick?

Well, um, got that one as well.

♪ ♪

It's kind of like you just stole it.

Rape! No!

You remembered my name.

I guess I fucked up 'cause a lot of people showed up.

in charge of the list.

AKA Princess Love.

Why do y'all always want to go there?

Later.

Yeah.

because the Blue Billy fucked the Red Billy's wife

First-generationers Dev and Brian try to show their appreciation for their immigrant parents at a joint family dinner.

What is that?

Work in the factory for a few years.

So someone said when the new doctor comes to town,

I got to go.

Sounds uplifting.

Xiao jie!

Xiao jie.

Toku, if you go to America, you won't know anyone.

I think they don't want to seat us because we're Asian.

so I think I'm just gonna head out.

He's like, "Uh, okay. Can you fix my iPad?"

to say they're proud or whatever.

and another old Indian dude?

Mysore pak, murukku, mirchi, omapodi.

Oh, thank you. Please tell my dad.

Very good. You're making a good life.

you would probably be working in that same zipper factory now,

You know stuff about your dad's backstory?

we have these amazing lives,

and learned more about their lives

Is there any way we could do it in a couple hours?

Uh, yeah, okay.

Act like it's all taking over your body.

We got to sacrifice ourselves in order to stop the virus from spreading!

Ramesh, why are you looking at that?

Hey, that is the whole trip, man.

was to learn more about you and how you got here.

No.

Daddy! Look at this guitar! Can we buy it?

guitar lesson, Nintendo.

No, I sat on the couch and cried.

Are there any other stories that you remember

Hey, that girl got held back a grade. She was huge.

Like, I can't believe there's a universe

"Let's chow down at Mr. Chow's."

Oh, damn. Peter Chang coming hard with the snaps.

we just went with another actor to play Dr. Vincent.

It's not really a to-go situation.

I just took Dr. Ramusami to the train station.

You will get into the next one.

-Got you a gift. -Very nice.

Dev hooks up with a girl named Rachel, though their night ends awkwardly after his condom breaks during sex. Later on, Dev and his friend Arnold attend the birthday party of their friend's one-year-old son. He runs into another friend and her kids there and babysits them for a while. Already 30, he begins to wonder if he might want kids someday. In the end, he decides that for now he enjoys being childless. MORE -LESS

Okay.

There we go.

That's dope. Shout-out to Plan B pills.

is there, like, no protection?

I mean, back in the olden days, you'd pop out those bitches,

That sounds horrible.

No, dude, Kyle's done.

I mean, come on. Ooh, what's this?

I'm just getting some stuff for my baby.

And we just bought a house in Montauk,

Yeah. Hey, Arnold, this is Alex.

Wow, that's... I'm sorry. That's terrible.

- It's crazy, bro. - [Kyle] Welcome, guys.

Thanks for having us.

It's covered my rent for years now.

Yeah! Yeah!

Zach starts crying at 4:00 a.m.

and do great things one day... hopefully.

All right, well, that's cool.

Grant took a shit in my shoe last week.

What else has been going on with you, man?

Are you sure that you can watch them?

- You're the man! - Yeah, you're the man!

♪ ♪

strawberry, cookies and cream,

But I want to try the cheesecake.

No, I want you to come.

Am I not enough of a madam?

I understand why you're not helping me.

- Done? - Yeah.

No, I'm gonna need you to pay for all 30 packages

Goddamn.

You don't touch anything. You don't steal anything.

We tried to figure it out. I don't think it's gonna work.

It's tough, man.

Sorry.

Hey!

Hey, what's happening? You okay?

Yeah, it can definitely be very nice.

even though, like, thousands of people go in there every day.