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South Park

S1 E2
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Season 1  "Weight Gain 4000"  1x2

Aired 26 years ago - Aug 20, 1997

Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remember what he wrote about.

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Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 1
What crawls up your leg and bites the inside of your ass?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 2
- Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting. - Right, Mr. Hat.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 3
Out of over a million papers, Eric's was chosen as the winner.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 4
Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 5
The presentation will be on television.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 6
If I can show how much I turned South Park around, I could become a senator!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 7
Yes! And we can have the children of South Park put on a play.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 8
- How are my little crackers? - Good.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 9
Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 10
Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 11
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 12
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 13
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 14
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 15
Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you to direct our play.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 16
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 17
We don't believe you won that contest fairly, fat boy.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 18
- It's tree-hugging hippie crap. - Tell me what you wrote!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 19
Tired of not getting chicks? Tired of being a 90-pound weakling?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 20
Now available at stores everywhere.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 21
But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 22
Kill!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 23
I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 24
- Bulk up to what? Fat-ass? - Super fat-ass?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 25
Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 26
- Am I an Indian or a pioneer? - You have a feather on your head?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 27
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 28
The pioneers met with the Indians...
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 29
Do you actually think that Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 30
It happened again, didn't it? Now we do things my way.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 31
No, you're not. You're fatter than ever!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 32
- Peace, Wendy. - Shut up, Cartman!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 33
May I suggest a Stratford 1 2 mm? Go ahead. Try it on!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 34
You talking to me?!
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 35
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 36
Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be surprised when she gets here tomorrow.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 37
- Nice gun, Mr. Garrison. - Thanks.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 38
That might do quite nicely. Thank you, Officer Barbrady.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 39
- Guys, we have to stop him! - Stop who?
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 40
It just so happens that I have your paper, and I know why you won.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 41
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 42
It is with great pride and honor that I'd like to welcome...
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 43
You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 44
...and make sweet love to it all night long.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 45
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 46
What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 47
Damn, he could be anywhere! I'll send out an APB.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 48
Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 49
It is with honor and pride that I present the winner this trophy.
 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 50
I've learned something today. You can't win all the time.

Or scroll and see one by one:

Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 2
- Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting. - Right, Mr. Hat.
#2 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 3
Out of over a million papers, Eric's was chosen as the winner.
#3 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 4
Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet.
#4 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 5
The presentation will be on television.
#5 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 6
If I can show how much I turned South Park around, I could become a senator!
#6 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 7
Yes! And we can have the children of South Park put on a play.
#7 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 8
- How are my little crackers? - Good.
#8 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 9
Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy.
#9 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 10
Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?
#10 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 11 #11 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 12 #12 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 13 #13 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 14 #14 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 15
Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you to direct our play.
#15 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 16 #16 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 17
We don't believe you won that contest fairly, fat boy.
#17 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 18
- It's tree-hugging hippie crap. - Tell me what you wrote!
#18 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 19
Tired of not getting chicks? Tired of being a 90-pound weakling?
#19 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 20
Now available at stores everywhere.
#20 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 21
But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric.
#21 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 22
Kill!
#22 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 23
I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off!
#23 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 24
- Bulk up to what? Fat-ass? - Super fat-ass?
#24 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 25
Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!
#25 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 26
- Am I an Indian or a pioneer? - You have a feather on your head?
#26 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 27 #27 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 28
The pioneers met with the Indians...
#28 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 29
Do you actually think that Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this?
#29 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 30
It happened again, didn't it? Now we do things my way.
#30 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 31
No, you're not. You're fatter than ever!
#31 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 32
- Peace, Wendy. - Shut up, Cartman!
#32 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 33
May I suggest a Stratford 1 2 mm? Go ahead. Try it on!
#33 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 34
You talking to me?!
#34 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 35 #35 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 36
Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be surprised when she gets here tomorrow.
#36 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 37
- Nice gun, Mr. Garrison. - Thanks.
#37 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 38
That might do quite nicely. Thank you, Officer Barbrady.
#38 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 39
- Guys, we have to stop him! - Stop who?
#39 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 40
It just so happens that I have your paper, and I know why you won.
#40 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 41 #41 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 42
It is with great pride and honor that I'd like to welcome...
#42 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 43
You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman.
#43 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 44
...and make sweet love to it all night long.
#44 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 45 #45 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 46
What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute.
#46 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 47
Damn, he could be anywhere! I'll send out an APB.
#47 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 48 #48 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 49
It is with honor and pride that I present the winner this trophy.
#49 Recap of South Park Season 1 Episode 2 (S01E02) - 50
I've learned something today. You can't win all the time.
#50