Aired 22 years ago - May 19, 1996
On a family vacation, Lisa tries on a new identity to fit in with the other kids at the beach. Jealous, Bart reveals her true nerdiness to the group.
and hit a decorative rowboat full of geraniums.
I always dreamed that someday
my daughter would be my best friend.
A microscope at the beach?
Aah! What was I thinking?
Well, duh! With what, Ned?
Well, it's kind of funny.
Uh, Mom, I'm kind of trying to go
for a different look this year.
So, where do you want to
show off your new, hip togs?
No, I can't.
That's the old, nerdy Lisa.
So, my mom tried to take me to some
candle place, but I'm all, like, "No way. "
Hey! I like your hat.
Hmm. I think I know a place
you can skate that's virtually deserted.
My gooney brother's always going to libraries.
I usually hang out in front.
Mr. Wilson or something.
Don't wait up, Marge.
Stand up for yourself, Poindexter.
Aw, a gift from my favorite crustacean.
Just go in and act casual
like you buy 'em all the time.
She'd be butting in
with Rice Krispies squares and Tang.
Gee, I don't know what you've
got planned for tonight, Homer...
It's the principle. She's gotta learn.
I don't have anything for you,
except this necklace I made.
Bart! I need my glasses.
It's important to be yourself.
Remember, kids, there's no need to bump.
Just enjoy the ride.
Aired 22 years ago - May 19, 1996
To show his kids how hip he is, Homer takes Bart and Lisa to a music festival, where he earns himself a place in the sideshow by catching a cannonball with his belly.
You have the worst,
lamest taste in music ever!
There can be only one truly great music festival
a lifetime, and it's the Us Festival.
Quadraphonic sound, a water bed,
and now a strobe light.
- What the hell are you two doin'?
- It's called rockin' out.
Then it was every other day.
Hey, wait! I'm okay today!
My mom bought me deodorant!
Bart, these look real.
four dozen rock bands.
People, have your tickets out.
Throw your cameras out.
And now the band
you've all been waiting for, Cypress Hill!
- What is that smell?
- It smells like Otto's jacket.
Wearing a Jamaican hat makes a bold statement
about your connection to reggae music.
- Yeah, nice try, narc.
- Where's the narc?
and I've been looking for a big fatso
to shoot with a cannon.
you and I are
very different people.
Is everybody... good?
Stay in school.
Your hero, Homer.
"Dear Bart and Lisa"-
But the main thing is...
- Are you being sarcastic, dude?
- I don't even know anymore.
Really? Me too.
No biggie. I'm cool.
I don't care for rules.
- What's with all the questions?
- Just some report I gotta do for school.
Who is playing with
the London Symphony Orchestra?
Uh, do you know
"Insane in the Brain"?
"Nobody's going to pay
a hundred-percent service charge. "
Oh, come on!
Do you feel-
Oh, this is heavy.
Aired 22 years ago - May 05, 1996
When Mayor Quimby uses immigrants as a political scapegoat, the Simpsons discover that Apu is an illegal immigrant.
But why does the American flag
have precisely 47 stars?
Now, they may ask you to locate your town
on a map of the U.S. So, let's do that.
By your logic, I could claim
this rock keeps tigers away.
Zero bears and one big,
fat, hairy paycheck.
People, your taxes are high
because of illegal immigrants.
It shall be known as Proposition 24. Yea!
Our schools are so jam-packed with immigrants,
kids like Bart have lost the will to learn.
He thought it was the greatest thing
since sliced bread...
We had to move out once
we'd filled the hat with garbage. The end.
If Proposition 24 passes,
I shall be forced to leave this country.
You know what really "aggravateses" me
is them "immigants. "
Make the protesters go away,
and I'll give you the entire bottle.
- I was accepted for graduate
study in the United States.
Farewell, my beloved.
Could it be used for dating?
- Only the top human players could beat it.
- Hey, what's this one for?
And, really, your only crime
was violating U.S. law.
Furthermore, to this beer, I would also like
three of your finest, cheapest cigars.
I will overlook the ice cream sandwiches
concealed in your armpits, eh?
Most humble and
grateful thanks to you.
Low and lazy. So-
The "Ny" Mets are
my favorite squadron.
Look at me! I've betrayed
my Indian heritage, sir!
where I have the freedom to say
and to think and to charge whatever I want.
Darn it, Apu! I'm not
gonna let them kick you out!
All right! Now you've got
all the Simpsons behind you, Apu.
There was an amnesty declared
for people who have been here as long as you.
after New Mexico became a state,
but before Arizona did.
Oh, I'm so confused. I don't even know
where I'm getting kicked out of anymore.
Please, Mr. Simpson.
My brain needs sleep.
Oh, no! I fell asleep!
Aside from the obvious schism between
abolitionists and anti-abolitionists...
Aired 22 years ago - Apr 28, 1996
When a fellow veteran dies, Grandpa Simpson and Mr. Burns fight for buried WWII treasure as the only surviving members of their battalion.
You wouldn't shut them away
like second-class citizens.
That means the fortune's almost mine.
until he was replaced
by a Moldermatic and died.
How long was that?
And then a knife
flew at my head!
Look, if you're
gonna stay in my room...
in the third-fightingest
battalion in the army.
And watching our backs
was Private Fifth Class Arnie Gumble.
Mm-hmm. You bossed around
the richest, most powerful guy in town?
We had just flushed some Germans
out of an abandoned castle.
Wow! I'd like to be as rich as the Nazis!
Of course, we can't sell
the paintings now. We'd be caught.
Well put, Oxford. Now remember,
you can't all sign with an "X."
Now, with Asa gone,
it's down to me and Burns.
Now give me your key
to the Hellfish bonanza.
As you were, Sergeant.
- Now we can get the treasure!
- Oh, what's the use?
Where are you two going
at this hour?
Okay, hold up here.
Fellas, it's me, Sarge.
you'll have a good time.
Sixty-four is if you've
found the treasure.
Sixty-one, 62, 63-
Now let's break her open
and have a look-see.
I'll take the masterpieces.
I'm sorry I cost you
your fortune, Grampa.
In a pig's eye he is!
Aired 22 years ago - Apr 14, 1996
Bart and Milhouse wonder if anything interesting happens to the citizens of Springfield, which leads to a series of interconnected vignettes.
Maybe it's just shampoo.
That washes right out.
Uh, perhaps you could pedal
for just a little while, sir.
Fear not. I'll get you
to a hospital-
One more jostle,
you wretched shirk-a-day.
Of the 160 gravest charges,
the most troubling are:
Now, tell Dr. Nick where is the trouble.
Now you're talkin'.
Dr. Nick, we owe you an apology.
Say, uh, Barn, uh, remember when I said I'd have
to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Ha. Freeze, dude. Move a muscle
and I'll blow this wino's head off.
Ho! Good-bye student loan payments.
- I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
Why is there smoke coming out of
your oven, Seymour?
D'oh, no. I said steamed hams.
That's what I call hamburgers.
Patented Skinner burgers.
Old family recipe.
A good time was had
by all. I'm pooped.
Seymour.! The house is on fire.!
You know the funniest thing though?
It's the little differences.
"Shakes. " You don't know what you're gettin'.
Ay. Que día miserable
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Do your dirty,
Don't stop the music.
- Works for me when I get bubbly gum in the old push broom.
- That sounds okay.
They can suck the bolts
out of a submarine's hull.
Hey, Brandine. You might could wear
these to your job interview.
Most folk'll never lose a toe
and then again, some folk'll
No. You may not.
The bathroom is for paying customers only.
A child has already solved theJumble
using crayons. The answer is "fries. "
There he is now.
Uh, you know, when I was a kid this used to be
a pet store.
Aired 22 years ago - Mar 31, 1996
Bart creates a fake driver's license for himself and uses it to go on a spring break road trip with Milhouse, Nelson, and Martin. Meanwhile, Homer and Lisa bond after spending some quality time together at work.
Oh! This is a map of nuclear sites
around the country.
Martin, you're up one million dollars.
We have a problem.
I just gotta go laminate your license.
You'll get it in two to three weeks.
Twenty-five years old?
You're not 25 years old.
I can think of at least
two things wrong with that title.
I just had a sinful shopping spree
at Wee World.
Gentlemen, for our road trip,
I have taken the liberty...
That's not Latin.
Mom, Bart's faking it!
Cruise control, my good man.
Everybody all set back here?
We're not going to a grammar rodeo.
I've always wanted
to see Macon, Georgia.
which sits atop a 266-foot-tall steel shaft.
- Great! You want to get some lunch?
They all have hilarious names
and are delicious.
Sleeping bags on the floor,
a roaring fire.
Bart, can we weigh the car
at that weigh station?
With Bart gone, and now you and your father,
I'm not gonna have anyone to-
Okay. Time for truth or dare.
You go first.
If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag
to your butt and mail you to Iran!
Just give me another chance,
and I'll prove I can keep your secret.
Uh, excuse me.
Is this the world's fair visitor's center?
if you want to see
16,000 boxes of unsold wigs.
I must have spent our last $10
on this Al Gore doll.
Look, we got here on our own,
so we can survive here on our own.
- Hey! Come back.
- Four hundred, 500, 600-
Well, of course I'll accept.
Oh, I don't like him anymore.
Aired 22 years ago - Mar 24, 1996
Washed up and plagued by scandal, Troy McClure sees a marriage to Selma as his ticket back to success.
Troy McClure? I thought he disappeared
after that scandal at the aquarium.
and read the top line?
I'm sure I could find some way to repay you.
Being a huge movie star must be good too.
Maybe those rumors about his fish fetish
weren't true after all.
- We haven't spoken in eight years.
Okay, now you tell one.
I ordered a Zima, not "emphysema. "
Oh, God! I'm such a fool.
I don't want to jinx it, Marge,
but this could be it.
Oh, Princess fair, whilst thou grant me
thine dainty hoof in marriage?
Tonight, '70s leading man Troy McClure
has finally met the woman of his dreams.
And with news of his upcoming wedding,
rumor has it he's up for some very choice roles.
Garbage collection is Monday. If you want
to throw out a box, you have to cut it up.
Troy, Mac Parker.
Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius
- Of course you can
- Well, I couldn't before
No, you'll never make a monkey
Yes, you finally
I just want to say I wouldn't be here
without the support of a very special lady-
as Locker Room Towel Fight:
The Blinding of Larry Driscoll.
Yeah, that's a good idea, Homer...
- Come here, Homer.
If anyone here knows why this couple
should not be wed in holy matrimony...
You may now kiss... each other.
he doesn't really love Selma...
as Make-Out King of Montana
and The Electric Gigolo.
the new McBain movie!
Wrong for me? How?
Oh, I get it.
You married me
just to help your career?
- Are you gay?
- Gay? I wish!
Just smile for the cameras
and enjoy Mr. Troy's Wild Ride.
I will, but you gotta
do something for me.
which you will if you have a baby.
Aired 22 years ago - Mar 17, 1996
Bart meets the original animator who created Itchy, penniless some 70 years after the studio stole his idea. When Bart helps him sue for restitution, he unwittingly bankrupts Itchy & Scratchy.
That drawing is worth
exactly $750 American.
- Which one's Itchy- the car?
- The mouse.
is his son, Roger Myers Jr.
Show some respect, man.
That "no-talent" created Itchy and Scratchy.
Sure. In fact, I invented the whole concept
of cartoon violence.
That's the first Itchy cartoon ever made.
And it was made by me, ChesterJ. Lampwick.
"Itchy runs afoul of an Irishman. "
Shh.! That's Teddy Roosevelt.
I can't believe it. That was Itchy all right.
You did invent him.
You can't just go back to the gutter.
You created Itchy. You should be a millionaire.
Hmm, studio's closed until Tuesday.
Animators have A.A. on Monday.
He just needs to stay here till tomorrow.
and given me a bunch of bulldink
about creating Itchy-with no proof at all-
But I'm going to have to ask for
a thousand-dollar retainer.
I shouldn't have
this Bar Association logo here either.
I gave you a plate of corn muffins
back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop.
My client's film predates
all of those things, Your Honor.
- Yes, I have.
- You have?
one more time today,
I think I'm going to scream.
- That's a lie!
- Are you saying- under oath, Mr. Myers-
Well, Your Honor,
we've got plenty of hearsay and conjecture.
Oh, there they are.
That could have been drawn by anyone at anytime,
Your Honor. There's no signature or date.
Your pal, ChesterJ. Lampwick.
September 3, 1919."
Andy Griffith. Edward G. Robinson.
Though that amount will probably
come down a bit on appeal.
I feel like liver and onions.
and $750 for the drawing...
Well, Itchy and Scratchy are gone, but here's
a cartoon that tries to make learning fun!
I'm an amendment to be
Yes, an amendment to be
What if people say you're not good enough
to be in the Constitution?
I don't have the money to produce the cartoons.
I lost everything.
- Sir? Sir? Sir?
that the Postal Service's Mr. Zip...
Aired 22 years ago - Feb 25, 1996
Forced to take a vacation, Smithers needs to find a temporary replacement who won't outshine him. Homer seems the perfect choice until a sudden outburst forces Mr. Burns to assert his independence.
Don't let me off the hook
that easily, sir.
You can start with the waffles
and work your way up to the zwieback.
just as soon as a temporary substitute
can be found.
You know, Homer, assisting Mr. Burns could
give your career a real shot in the arm.
lying to Congress
and some light typing.
- Who is he anyway?
- Uh, Homer Simpson, sir.
Sorry. Can't hear you. Bye.
Smithers already left, sir.
I'm his replacement- Homer Simpson.
Homie, it's 4:30 in the morning.
Hmm. One of these
must be a breakfast maker.
- Did you get that report on the accounting department?
- Yes, sir, I did.
"You have 30 minutes to move your cube. "
No time, Marge. I think Mr. Burns
wants me to do some long division.
Y'ello. It's for you.
Uh, actually, sir, picture taking
is not allowed at this particular resort.
You call this Postum?
Are you sure he's dead?
Maybe you just really, really hurt him.
so you can watch me
kick the crap outta you!
Now I can make my escape.
Coffee's already made.
I stomped the beans myself.
Beep-beep! Out of my way!
This is 5246.
But it's not for me.
I want to thank you.
Ah, and my dear, dear Smithers.
- Cheer up, Homie.
- I feel terrible about getting Mr. Smithers fired.
Do we need
all those "mayhems"? We do.
Your job is to distract Barney
until it's safely off the truck.
or you can admit to yourself there's only
one person that can make you happy...
Hello. Mrs. Burns.
This is Waylon Smithers.
Oh, hello, Mater.
Son, this is Mrs. Burns.
Aired 22 years ago - Feb 18, 1996
While researching into Jebediah Springfield's past for an essay, Lisa discovers that the town founder wasn't the hero that everyone thinks he was.
Dangerous river crossings
threatened life and limb...
You know, some historians consider
Jebediah Springfield a minor patriot...
Well, thankily-dank, Mayor. I shan't disappoint.
Chooseth Homer Simpson,
and he shalt rock thy world.
The Homer broadcasting system
is on the air!
Here's his fife, upon which he sounded
the sweet note of freedom...
Secondly, I have not always been known
as Jebediah Springfield.
"I write this confession
so that my infamy will live on...
Is everything okay?
You look a bit flushed.
- I don't understand thee, Marge.
No tongue, eh? How did he talk-
and eat and laugh and love?
Well, I'll use it,
but I'm not paying for it.
- I believe you, honey.
- You do?
from a P.C. thug.
Well, I've been called a greasy thug too,
and it never stops hurting.
- Hi, Mr. Hurlbut.
- Oh, you're back.
That's Jebediah's secret confession.
It proves he was a fraud.
But it explains why there's no
record ofJebediah before 1795.
You don't have to
help me with this, Dad.
- He wouldn't let me put it up.
- Okay. Well, that's not gonna stop us.
than an evil bloodthirsty
pirate who hated this town.
A pirate? Well, that's hardly the image
we want for Long John Silver's.
Dig him up! Dig up that corpse!
All right. Here goes. Forgive us, Jebediah.
We mean no disrespect.
and tri-corner hat.
Well, I'll just have to find
another little girl to be president.
I'm not Mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover.
I'm an antiquarian, damn it.
It's my job to seek out the truth.
- But I thought I had you fooled.
- You did.
We've got to get the word out to every man,
woman and child in town.
- What's goin' on here?
Aired 22 years ago - Feb 11, 1996
In a scheme to get Krusty's autograph, Bart sends him a check. When Krusty's offshore holding corporation endorses the check, his illegal tax shelter is exposed. In despair after the government auctions off his possessions, Krusty fakes his own death.
No, Mom, I can handle it.
It's okay, Bart. You can share mine.
That's a good plan...
Oh, crap! I certainly
shouldn't have said it was illegal.
And they nailed him, all thanks to you.
Krusty's years of tax "avoision"
would never have-
Yeah. There'll be enough people
to do that for me at recess tomorrow.
and a "FICA-ccino. "
- What am I bid?
- Forty cents.
Twelve cents to our phone bidder
in Japan. Any other bids?
And now lot number 2,380-
Krusty's private plane...
No offense, kid,
but your mom's a dingbat.
As long as you're on TV,
people will respect you.
you can punch me in the face.
I must say,
I've had a lovely evening, Agnes.
- You gotta hand it to Krusty.
Krusty the Clown is dead.
I wish I were dead.
it is my sad duty to unveil
this simple memorial.
I'll handle it.
Bob Newhart, everybody!
in a very meaningful way-
And so, Herschel Krustofski...
I went through the same thing
when Lyndon Johnson died.
Am I going crazy?
I'm seeing Krusty everywhere.
Ahoy. Have you seen this man?
It's hopeless, Bart. We've searched
up and down these docks...
Not a quarter!
Arr! He'll be dancing for hours.
by the throttle!
- That's why I faked my death.
- But we saw your plane crash.
The sea air is clearing
Aired 22 years ago - Feb 04, 1996
A chance encounter with a former classmate yields an invitation to the Springfield Country Club, where Marge tries to parlay a bargain basement Chanel suit into elevated social status for her family.
Oh, you look so sophisticated.
Oh, sure I do. I treated myself
to a Sanka not three days ago.
Oh, I'd love to wear this
Yes, yes. Hot dog, hot dog.
Yes, sir. No, sir. Maybe. Okay.
- And to think I heard you married Homer Simpson.
- I did marry Homer.
You had your debutante balls
And revulcanize my tires, posthaste.
I've told you, I don't like
you using the word "hotbed. "
Well, we're not.
You look like such
a happy bunch... of people.
I have a sneaking suspicion that L.L. Bean
and Eddie Bauer are selling me the same honey.
we microwaved our own soup!
That place is weird.
So good that Evelyn gave us a guest pass.
They might even ask us to join.
This whole country club scene
is so decadent.
Oh, we've got a winning hand!
Oh, well played.
And just go at your own pace.
Homer, please. I have to alter this suit
so it looks different for tomorrow.
Why, thank you, Robert-A!
Well, he's certainly
got a loose waggle.
Say, I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation?
Please! We can't afford a single slip-up.
They're judging us.
You know how a horse goes like this?
No, no, no, no!
We've got classy duds
up the ying-yang.
Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz,
and use an open-faced club- the sand wedge!
Oh, a cunning stratagem, sir.
Cripes, man! Can't you ever get
to the green in less than two shots?
These aren't reptile eggs.
So you're not the best golfer here.
I knew my kind wasn't welcome here.
Yeah. You look great. You can do anything
with that sewing machine.
Aired 22 years ago - Jan 14, 1996
Homer resents being upstaged when former president George Bush moves into the neighborhood. After Bush spanks Bart, an all-out prank war ensues.
Not that Disco Stu
didn't get his share of the action.
Like this. What the heckaroonie
is this, Mrs. Glick?
Well, it's a moot point as I have
only one tie to begin with.
Uh, hey, Ned,
let me help you with that.
- You're the king, Homer!
- King of the neighborhood!
I'll take that.
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Table five, table five
Disco Stu likes disco music.
Actually, this is one of the nine states
where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad.
And your business here, Mr. Flanders?
I'm Ned Flanders,
and this is Maude, Rod and Todd.
Bar's a whiz with cold drinks,
aren't you, Bar?
with no particular hopes or dreams.
I guess you might say he's barking
up the wrong Bush.
Hello, Mr. Bush!
and they only give you so many packs.
- Who's that, George?
- That's me with Charlton Heston.
Did your Secret Service goons
ever whack anybody, George?
Ah, let's see now.
What do you folks have here, huh?
That guy's louder than World War II.
Oh, that's just his way.
He really likes you.
You have to be president,
and you're not president.
Older people don't eat much candy, Bart,
but I could bake you some cookies.
Homie, as long as you keep the car
full of gas, I'm happy.
- What ya doin'?
- Now, don't upset the desk there.
You? Bart Simpson?
but Homer and I just don't believe
in that kind of punishment.
you'd have disciplined that boy
a long time ago.
you men stand down.
- Trouble it is!
- For you.
No! That's not Bar and me.
Nuh-uh. Not going outside today,
not with those neighbors.
Bar! The boys are in the front yard. They'll
help me think of a plan to get those Simpsons.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
- It's time to hit him where he lives.
- His house?
Too bad they got off
on the wrong foot.
- Get him, boys!
- Ow! Ow!
Aired 22 years ago - Jan 07, 1996
Homer catches Mr. Burns in an ether-induced haze and asks for $500 for his bowling team. When Burns' head clears, he demands to join the team. Meanwhile, Bart's inflammatory T-shirt provokes Principal Skinner to require school uniforms.
- Oh, okay. Then I just need your $500 registration fee.
Burns never gives money to anybody.
I'll just write the zero first.
We were on recon
in a steaming Mekong delta.
prawns, coconut milk
and four kinds of rice.
- We're fresh out, sir. I'll get some more.
- Leave the rag.
Uh, excuse me.
I'd like to request $17...
Oh, come on. If we quit now, we'll never
know how badly they're gonna beat us.
I knew I was gonna choke.
- Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
- You can do it, Otto! You can do it-
- Let me set the scene for you, Marge.
- All right.
- Good for him.
- Yes, but, Marge, you're missing the point.
No, no. Now, don't try to remember
what that slogan was.
in this vest and short pant combination
from Mr. Boy of Main Street.
All right. Pick your size:
extra small or extra large.
There it is, boys:
the championship trophy.
- We are not wieners.
- Then what are you dressed like that for?
Yes, that was unpleasant for all concerned.
It was either Pops Freshenmeyer...
- You wanna join my what?
- You wanna what his team?
it's not that simple. He's my boss.
It wasn't any easier.
I'm going to make sure
my desk is exactly parallel to the rear wall.
I bet I'll get a little respect
once I get that Harvard diploma.
- Mamma mia.!
- Hoot, mon!
The only ship worth a damn
absolutely nothing has gone wrong.
Look at all the colors, man!
Homer, maybe Mr. Burns will bowl
a great game, and you will win your championship.
My old gimpy knee
has gone akimbo again.
Oh, uh, Mr. Burns,
as team captain...
- Now, Homer, you were about to say something to me.
Okay. The Holy Rollers are ahead by one pin...
Well, next time, a few steps more
toward center, don't you think?
Aired 22 years ago - Dec 17, 1995
Nabbed for shoplifting, Bart manages to keep it a secret from the family... until it's time to have the family Christmas photo taken at the Try-N-Save.
- Well, life is like a box of chocolates.
- Mom, no! Mom!
Net profit to me, negative $59.
- Then how come it says "second player score"?
- Mom! Bart's swearing!
Duh, it's the company's fault
for making you want it so much.
Shut up, Mom!
Shoplifting began here
in ancient Phoenicia.
You know, that kind of mush might fly
at Lamps Plus, but don't peddle it here.
That's right, Don Brodka.
Your son, Bart, has been caught shoplifting.
One more thing:
If you ever set foot in this store again...
Now to put this tape...
Bart, get your suit on.
juvenile hall-juvenile hall.
Come on, new bike!
I don't have to listen
to these wild allegations!
- and see if the new dictionaries are in.
Hmm. I wonder where
the flip-flops are?
I'm afraid your son broke the 11 th Commandment:
Thou shalt not steal.
Stealing! How could you?
- one of those forever-type things?
- I don't know.
But somewhere along the road,
his hand slipped away from mine.
Hey, give me a slice!
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Hey, how come you're not playing Bonestorm?
- Give me the cup and ball, you cup-and-ball hog!
- Give it, give it!
Oh, hey, that's Mom!
She's happy again!
Aired 22 years ago - Dec 03, 1995
Troy McClure hosts a behind-the-scenes look at the show, including clips of the series' beginnings as filler on "The Tracy Ullman Show," Simpsons trivia questions, and unaired scenes from popular episodes.
- Um, Dad?
They're very, very hot.
Did you eat
the cookies, Maggie?
I've got a great idea.
Do I understand you correctly, Bartron?
We'll be safe here
till Mom and Dad...
Bart.! Time for your
Sunday night bath, boy.!
Scrub good now.
Suddenly, without warning, zee brave boy
get more than he bargain for.
including the alternate endings
to, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"
- I believe you have a letter for me.
- Okay, Mr. Burns.
in a gumdrop house
on Lollipop Lane. "
No one does.
Mmm. If you did it, sir?
Right about now
you're probably saying...
are the cutout classics.
What? Oh. Hey! It's not really me.
I used a stunt butt.
Can I play
"Hemorrhoid Sufferer Number One"?
But-Well, it was Homer's fault.
I didn't lose. I never lose.
Homer, please. You don't have to
wolf down that 25-year-old candy...
It was national news.
Do you... still work for NASA?
he found out that hell isn't
all it's cracked up to be...
Ooh, Lionel Hutz!
must be pure gold!
Their clothes are different
from my clothes.
I suggest you leave immediately.
Come on, big boy!
Shake the butter off those buns!
of"Who Shot Mr. Burns?"
Aired 22 years ago - Nov 26, 1995
After Sideshow Bob escapes from prison, the Springfield Air Show is the setting for his ill-fated vendetta against television and Krusty the Clown.
What kind of country-fried rube
is still impressed by that?
- This year I'm making ear plugs
out of biscuit dough.
Friend? You mean you two
aren't knocking boots?
I'll get very busy, indeed.
it's so well-designed,
even a child could fly it.
If you don't open that door, I'll tear you up
like a Kleenex at a snot party!
Oh, got my knuckles
all lined up for nothing.
At Kitty Hawk in 1903...
Not a cloud in the sky.!
as we blast through the thrilling highlights
of aviation history!
Dad, why aren't you looking?
Sorry to divert your attention
from all the big noises and shiny things.
Why, we could revive the lost
arts of conversation... and scrimshaw.
Stamp your hand for reentry.
Bart! Bart! What are you doing?
We've got to get out of here!
We have only 20 minutes left.
We must sacrifice television in order
to save the lives of our townspeople.
But I'm afraid we're out of options.
The collapse of the Soviet Union,
premium ice cream price wars...
Not my extendo-glove!
Think of the ratings.
- Tight, binding underwear?
Gone. Gone too.
Coming at you live
from the civil defense shack...
Uh, and, uh, former president,
Well, at least I'll have my revenge!
with that hoary old
No! How did they find me?
He's getting away!
Hell! Not the Wright Brothers' plane.
Mom! I found Sideshow Bob's hideout!
And I got a secret message to the police!
Back before everyJoe Sweat Sock could
wedge himself behind a lunch tray...
Aired 22 years ago - Nov 19, 1995
Homer discovers that his mother is still alive, a former radical who is a fugitive from the law. When her old nemesis Burns spots her and tips off the FBI, she is forced to return to the underground.
Get out of here,
When I asked you if that dummy was to fake
your own death, you told me no.
I'll just make the change here.
And you're all set.
Well, how about this?
This thing says my mother's still alive!
I didn't want to cause a fuss,
but now that you mention it.
It wasn't your fault.
Such clever grandchildren.
Hmm, 75 bucks a pop
plus interest and penalties.
Although, I hardly consider
A Separate Peace the ninth-grade level.
Whenever we ask her where she's been
all this time, she changes the subject.
Woo-hoo! I'm so glad
to have my mom back.
I guess I was just a horrible son
and no mother would want me.
Spill it, Muddy Mae,
or we're calling the cops!
- Time for bed.
- Sing me my bedtime song, Mom.
Probably. I'm trying
to watch the Super Bowl.
His wild, untamed facial hair...
I soon found people who shared
my views at the state college.
it's no match for my glower power.
Jerry Rubin gave me a job marketing
his line of health shakes...
But from when?
And in what capacity?
She has the sloping brow
and cranial bumpage of the career criminal.
Maybe she thought the war in Southeast Asia
was so immoral her end justified the means.
Now, here's a piece
of bad news.
- Oh, Abe!
- Well, I tried. What's for supper?
Look at me, Grandma.
I'm a hippie. Peace, man.
We know the fugitive visited that tombstone.
Whose tombstone was it?
Grandma, have you ever thought
about moving back to Springfield?
Aired 22 years ago - Nov 05, 1995
Homer tries to gain sixty pounds so he can stay home on disability. When he nearly causes a catastrophe at the plant, Homer reconsiders his plan.
No more blood drives
or charity walks.
- Have you told Mom about this?
- No. It would only worry her.
- Can you recommend a doctor who will?
such as the whipped group,
the congealed group...
rub it against a piece of paper.
Homer. You're, uh, on the towel rack.
When's your next coffee break?
Honey, I'm purposely gaining 61 pounds
to get on disability.
Oh.! I got 15 minutes to gain a pound,
or I gotta face another day at work.
Well, that's a plus.
I'm pleased to dedicate
this remote work terminal.
as soon as he finds
something good on TV.
- Computer magazine columnist. Something with computers.
- Well, I use a computer.
Hee-hee-hee! I pity
those poor suckers on the freeway.
I see "Esk," "Catarol,"
and "Pig Up. "
"Vent radioactive gas?"
Paul Newman's gonna have
my legs broke.
Maybe you'll have
to hurt his feelings.
- Um, Mom just baked a cake.
Pro: I, uh, don't have to go to work.
You never had faith in me before,
but let me tell you-
Well, give me a "Y."
There! You found the floor.
Ooh! "An urgent plea
from Edward James Olmos. "
Dad, what are you doing down there?
He's a nuclear-safety technician.
Don't make me close that shade!
I have to check with the manager.
A Fridge Too Far.
are just as smart and talented
and hardworking as everybody else.
Oh! "Tank must be
shut down manually"?
please mash the keypad with your palm now.
Everybody's gonna be dead,
especially me! D'oh!
and they had to close
- And nine, ha-ya-yah.
Aired 22 years ago - Oct 29, 1995
In "Attack of the 50 Foot Eyesores," strange atmospheric conditions bring giant advertising statues to life. In "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace," Groundskeeper Willie is killed in a freak accident and seeks revenge in the childrens' dreams. In the final segment, Homer steps through a secret portal and becomes three-dimensional.
What are you waiting for?
Wreck the school. You know you wanna.
you must know how to stop them.
Don't watch the mon-
Here's a fresh new way
Here comes something.
- Take out the garbage.
Children, I couldn't help
monitoring your conversation.
Ahh. A duet of pleasures.
Oh, just get it out of here!
Kids, it's time we told you the true story
and put your fears to rest.
"Do not touch Willie. "
Bart, don't you realize what this means?
The next time we fall asleep, we could die.
The only thing left to do is go into my dream
and force Willie into a final showdown.
Hey, Lawn Boy.!
You missed a spot.!
Now, the clock's still running, so it's important
we start this play as quickly as possible.
I hope you get reincarnated as someone
who can stay awake for 15 minutes.
You saved us, Maggie!
Here I am. Yah!
Patty and Selma
will be here any minute.!
Yuck! I'm baking like a meat loaf
under this wet wool.
And pry out all the dead hermit crabs.
Get a screwdriver.
No, it's a place
I've never been before.
What's going on here?
I'm so bulgy.
I feel like I'm wasting a fortune
just standing here.
Move into the light, my son.
Slow down, egghead.
Oh, right. And, of course,
within we find the doomed individual.
I wish I read that book
by that wheelchair guy.
Aired 22 years ago - Oct 15, 1995
After visiting a local petting zoo, Lisa becomes a vegetarian and faces ridicule from family and friends. When she lashes out and ruins Homer's barbecue, she learns a lesson in tolerance.
The following cars
have been broken into-
- Shut up!
I can't believe you didn't invite me, after I
painted those cool stripes all over your car.
Well, it could be a good chance to get to know
our neighbors outside of a courtroom setting.
Bart, sensible bites.!
All right, Lisa.
Those all come from the same animal!
My worm went in my mouth
and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?
- Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
- Possibly the meat loaf.
Willie, remove all the colored chalk
from the classrooms.
"Come to Homer's BBBQ.
You don't win friends with salad
For privacy's sake,
let's call her Lisa S.
Hi, I'm Troy McClure.
Then when the cattle are just right-
that allows material to sluice through
so it can be collected and exported.
- Is he crazy?
- No, just ignorant.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy.
They can't seriously expect us
to swallow that tripe.
Yeah. Lisa's a Grade A moron.
Hey, Homer. Bring me another one of them,
uh, burgers, would you?
Okay, everybody. It's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
I have to agree that
everything certainly- Huh?
It's just a little dirty.
It's still good. It's still good.
- It's gone.
- I know.
Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa...
Bart, thank your mother
for pointing that out.
I am out of here!
- She admitted it!
- She admitted she's gonna marry a carrot!
Mmm! The next-
I take it from your yelling
that you like my tofu dogs.
or when I want to see
drive-in movies for free.
- Back then I was known as the fifth Beatle.
- Sure you were, Apu.
In fact, if you play
"Maybe I'm Amazed" backwards...
Aired 22 years ago - Oct 08, 1995
Bart sells his soul to Milhouse for five dollars, but soon regrets his decision. Meanwhile, Moe turns the Tavern into a family-friendly restaurant.
I don't hear scrubbing!
It's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert
and it has to drive to the cemetery.
Seems nobody wants to hang out
in a dank pit no more.
Hey, put a coaster under that.
How could you do that?
Your soul is the most valuable part of you.
Well, if you think he got such a good deal,
I'll sell you my conscience for 4.50.
Chairman Moe's Magic Wok?
I got it used from the navy.
I am familiar with the works
of Pablo Neruda.
- I think you really did lose your soul.
- Good boy!
Cover me, Sarge.
I'm going after Bart's soul.
At Moe's, we serve good,
old-fashioned home cooking...
Come to Uncle Moe's for family fun
No soul, huh?
An alligator with sunglasses?
Now, Rod, you order
anything you want for your big 10-0.
Please take the fries off my head, kid.
I start with the best part-
I would like to say grace.
Silence, you fool. It can be ours.
Leave this place. You are in great danger.
Aw, geez. And you got
the stink lines and everything?
Well, I expect that type of language
at Denny's, but not here!
Son, you wait here while Daddy tries to
talk some sense into this raving derelict.
I have powers that-
Why? That was the problem
in the first place.
Look, maybe it would help if you went over all
the mistakes you made from the beginning. Moe?
Milhouse, I gotta have my soul back.
I'll do anything you want.
Aired 22 years ago - Oct 01, 1995
When Homer and Marge are found to be unfit parents, the kids are placed with the Flanders family. Reluctant participants in the Flanderses' wholesome family activities, Bart and Lisa become the targets of an emergency baptism.
Well, you'd better check out his sister.
Oww! My tongue!
This is so relaxing.
Sink full of dirty dishes.
Trash not taken out.
- Where's the baby?
- Well, that's her, ain't it?
No! You can't! I won't let you!
You don't understand.
Mom and Dad take good care of us.
and must stay at least 100 feet away
at all times. "
Lousy house plant!
Bart, I don't know
if this should be an extra.
Tell you what.
We'll do whatever you wanna do.
No, sirree, Bob.
We're going downtown
to get our kids back right now!
Uh- W- W-Well, wait-
Wait. Can I start again?
When she swallowed that quarter,
he spent all day with her.
and they told me
he had lice.
All right, very good. Who knows how the Skinners
could have resolved this problem?
Put it in the refrigerator,
or, failing that, a cool, wet sack.
Okay, let's see
if we've learned anything.
Son, let's stop
the fussin' and the feudin'.
- St. James!
- The Vulgate of St. Jerome.!
- I know!
- No, son, we gotta let Bart and Lisa get one.
The well of Zohassadar?
No, that ain't gonna do it.
Yes, a little L.S.D. is all I need.
But now I know you kids need
a less hell-bound family.
Was blind, but now I
Aired 22 years ago - Sep 24, 1995
Bart longs to play "Fallout Boy" in the new Radioactive Man movie, but the Van Houtens thrust Milhouse into the spotlight. Meanwhile, the town of Springfield sees an opportunity for profit.
nosing around your camera,
we'll have it wiped out!
Marge, do you have other men
in this house? Radioactive men?
for me to look in that exhaust pipe
You stole my bit! You-That's my bit, you-
Don't make me do this!
No wonder no one came
to my birthday party.
It wouldn't be fair to the other children
who filled out their application forms in full.
Good news, gentlemen.
I've grown that extra inch you wanted.
I'm sorry. I can't hear you, son.
Hoo-whee! Whoo! Oh!
- Up and atom!
- Up and at them!
There's the real Milhouse.
It sounds like more fun
than it really is.
Uh, these aren't real X-rays, are they?
- You guys work on the movie?
- You're sayin' we're not working?
- I'm sorry.
And making movies is
so horribly repetitive.
Everyone in town has been gouging us
silly, but it's worth it.
moments before he's hit
with a 40-foot wall of sulfuric acid...
Only Fallout Boy can save me now.
we can use existing footage
to complete the film without Milhouse.
Yeah. Yeah, I did kinda... trail off
there, didn't I?
- Stay away from me, Bart.
Curing heart disease
and wiping out world hunger.
Hi, Milhouse. The studio
sent me to talk to you...
Aired 22 years ago - Sep 17, 1995
With Mr. Burns shot, Chief Wiggum investigates the crime, and nearly everyone in town has a motive. At the end, it all comes down to the Simpson DNA.
I remember leaving
the town meeting.
Hey, Homer, us hotheads here is gonna
go tear down Burns's sun-blockin' machine.
Well, I tried to march
in the St. Patrick's Day parade.
This isn't a rival company you're battling with.
It's a school.
when she found out she missed Tailhook.
I made sure to note that,
as it seemed quite unusual.
I was referring to Waylon Smithers.
Oh, I gotta run,
or I'll miss the opening rank-out.
we must now ask ourselves:
Who could be as bloodthirsty as Waylon Smithers?
And I've got an inquisitive temperament.
Maybe I could help solve this.
Now, let's discuss
the, um, "mo-tive. "
- Tito Puente?
Listen, if you will, to my revenge.
And fry in hell
Blast! I took mother's makeup kit
It's impossible for me
to fire a pistol.
Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Grampa, I found your cigar box dug up
in the backyard, but the gun wasn't there.
- The gunman has a name-o.
- Chief! Chief!
I swear, I've never seen
that gun before.
- Almost got it.
- Drop the food, Chief!
Ho... mer Simp... son.
They have Simpson D.N.A.
It could have come from any of us.
As Montgomery Burns's closest friend,
I'm certain there is nothing he would want more...
You won't be telling anyone else
that Homer Simpson shot you.
Be careful when we capture him.
- I'll kill you for saying it was me!
- Homer Simpson.