Status
Continuing
Next episode
TBA
Airs
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXX
SEASON
EPISODE

Season 5

Aired 3 years ago - Apr 21, 2014

Archer helps Lana with the delivery of her baby, while Krieger tries to prevent the delivery of a deadly weapon.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 1
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Air strike on the palace is a go, and I suggest we take Calderón's jet.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 4
literally true. Oye, muchachos! Agarrenlos!
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- Let's get this baby out of me. - Gross! - Will you sh...
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- What is wrong with you? - Nothin', Roy. - Or Ray.
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- Ow! Come on. Ow! Ow! - Okay. - What happened?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 8
incoming bombers! From their heading, they appear... American!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 9
Nothing! You don't just turn it off! It wasn't my war!
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Oh, we're taking everything! Furs, jewels, the silverware,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 11
- you think you are! You are not robbing my palace! - Oh, yes, we are, and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 12
praying your driver doesn't rat you out to the Reds at the last checkpoint.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 13
Appropes.
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Because this entire country's about to be up to its tits in U.S. Marines.
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bastard. I didn't know it was the CIA's cocaine.
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Doing good, buddy. - Archer!
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What? Jesus! What is your problem!
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- her, um... - Ew! No! You do it! - I'll do it!
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- That thing is smooth. - I...! Thank you.
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breathe, friend. Because, uh... Wow. Okay.
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- Which are...?! - Oh. Okay. So, I don't think we can disarm
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- that, flight deck. Um... - Range-- 150. ETA-- 12 minutes.
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Oh, no, that wasn't my dad. - Well, who was it? - Doesn't matter who.
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- Ugh! - Do you hear that?
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on the palace, you won't be able to swing a dead cat around here without hitting a Marine.
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- reporting for sploosh. - Take Tweedledick and Tweedleballs, go
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- And get me some frickin' morphine! - Lana, come on, what
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- Uncle. Uh, friend of the family. - Dude. Drop it.
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- you. - Okay.
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- That's a chance I'm willing to take. - Me too.
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What the hell are you idiots...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 32
lying in the road. Come on, you don't want a thing like that falling into the wrong
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 33
♪ ...auto parts This year.
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- Cyril, for God's sake, be careful! - Would you shut up?
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- and see if you're crowning. - What?! - For the love of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 36
I've helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus, one time, my sister Edie?
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- I feel like I should. I mean, I am a doctor. - No, you're not.
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- What-what if there's a-a birth defect or... - No. No, no,
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- Wait... - Oh, please. Like you're the only one who
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 40
Now move that big fat smelly ass, you hear? A Day No Pigs Would Die?
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- Oh, and, uh, I quit. - Wha... Why? - Because you lying to me
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- Whatever. - Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time.
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bribe some federal agents. Well, at least put a seatbelt on it!
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You keep it up, mister, and I'll walk right back in there and tell her the whole
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- Can't you give her a brain chip? - A what? - A brain chip.
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- And inject a sticker into my brain? - Are you out of your
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- with a $50 million hole in our account. - There's 40 of it.
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be a feather in your cap. They might even make you director.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 13 (S05E13) - 50
- million and you want to get on the CIA payroll? - Right after you
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 14, 2014

Cyril becomes the new president of San Marcos, Cherlene becomes the first lady of country music, and Archer becomes a resistance fighter.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 1
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immediately deposed by me, but the situation is, as they say,
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smoothies?
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totally honest, I maybe might have a problem with.
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a criminal. And I hate to say it, but it's
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 6
Zion, yes, there, I said it.
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- I should get, or...? - Seriously?
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tractor beam, releasing the Jews from captivity.
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- Christ in it. - I mean, I take your
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 10
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Wait, how does being in jail...?
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But don't worry. We're gonna get out of here and
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to zero that still won't happen.
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- Whaaaaat? - Where did you get
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 15
when you are addressing the First Lady of the
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You make it sound so easy.
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- Now is the time for action! - Clone bone!
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And did you ever think maybe your fleet of
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Stop!
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Tegucigalpa?
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- wedding ever. - Yeah, but at least
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- cocaine. - Well, but look on the
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They should've sent a poet.
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- nice plastic wrap. - Yeah, you're
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 26
And thank you, George Bore-well, for that clunky analogy in
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launch this giant nerve gas missile at, uh...
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The rocket, uh... I'm not really comfortable with the
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- we can't take Shane with us. - Yeah, we can,
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You're a bigger pussy than Shane!
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We're
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Don't stop!
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- Shane...! - Shane...!
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Uh... I don't know that much about leopards.
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Huh. That is a lot longer than I
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No. We're-we're not going back.
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Oh... n-no. We're not doing that.
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- Hey, Krieger! - What the hell is
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 41
They're not vampires, they're my clones.
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The real Krieger could be down there!
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- sound concussed. - He sounds like a
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Ow, cut it out! Ow! Goddamn it! Ow!
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Okay. Then here we go.
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this time... ♪ Aw...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 47
- Pam to get a wooden stake. - Yay!
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1,980-something miles?
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- Oh, for God's sake. - Minutes to
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 12 (S05E12) - 50
but Cyril-- and if you tell him I said this, I'll break your
Aired 3 years ago - Apr 07, 2014

Archer tries to keep his fling with the dictator's wife a secret while Krieger bonds with his clone-brothers.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 1
is Bravo Actual. Redeploy your troops to sector four.
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Why does she care? Most singers would kill to have a record go platinum.
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- ha, ha. - Stayin' alive. - Holy shit, that
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- Because every time you shoot me. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, not
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Seriously, I am not your servant. Ow, quit-quit...
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with a big rebel flag on it, flinging empty longnecks at people.
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- Almost always. I really like me. - Baffling.
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- Oops. - Give me that.
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Yes, always. God, you're... What happened to no more
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 10
you? - By threatening to tell Calderón about the first
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- the second time? - Hmm. - Nothing, she's crazy.
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- you win. - Yay! - Win what?
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Ray, find Cherlene. No matter what happens, we can't leave without her.
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- Who cares about Krieger? - Yeah. - That's true.
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- Yes... - Clone bone!
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- actual mom and dad? And was I ever there? - No.
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Now that does sound vaguely familiar. - Right?
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- Kicking me to the curb like, like... - A child.
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Then, yes. - I'm home. I'm finally home.
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revealed... in time. - And if there's one thing I love more than triumph,
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One of these days, I swear to... Jesus H. Chrysler!
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- Because that's what you are! - Cherlene, I-I...
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imposed the presidential term limits, but it wasn't passed by your congress until 1947, and
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in a free country, where the world's largest manufacturers of sugary cereals are allowed to
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- Cherlene, listen, it is crazy poor. - Yeah, that was
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not, but... - So how would they even use records?!
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don't say "literally being emasculated," because I looked that up, and... ick.
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twice, but don't slash the painting. It's...
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Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, every when, is about the paragon
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painting. Did you never see The Thomas Crown Affair?
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wouldn't be bad. I... Damn it, Figgis! You're overthinking this!
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And?! And she wasn't in it?
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It's um, uh... - Well, I just assume it was about that ad with the
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No, I said! - B-But, Cherlene, listen, I love you!
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Oh, my God, you have no idea. It's like this ache in the pit
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Oh, wait, you just did! - Wait. You can't be both!
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- Well, if anything, that's heaven. - And you can die
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Honestly? - No, the first time. - Good-bye, Mr.
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- Pam, seriously. - Archer... - Lana, shut up. Pam!
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I'm gonna go Jerry Lee
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she used to be married to Calderón's father? - Yeah, that's
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reusable, right? Once the fibers get damaged, that's basically just a sweater
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- You what?! - What?! - Why would you throw
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Nobody move.
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Cherlene, stop this at once. As your husband, I command you.
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get me. - Plus cocaine. - No! We are so not
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I-I lied, okay? But hopefully our marriage is strong enough that, together and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 11 (S05E11) - 50
- who are to be executed. - Wait, what? Hey, guys.
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 31, 2014

Archer and the rest of the ISIS gang are the guests of Gustavo Calderon and his wife Juliana. Calderon is a big fan of Cherlene but Juliana is a bigger fan of Archer.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 1
him to make more profits to buy more weapons. Blah, blah, blah.
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- Identify yourself. - Uh, guys? - Just tell them Slater
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- Anonymous sex, if you must know. - Ew!
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- Beechcraft, identify. - Guys! - Goddamn it, tell him
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- Silencio! Who is in charge here? - Señor Presidente,
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- who is in charge here? - That would be... - Because they are to
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- is such an honor to meet you. I'm Malory Archer. - Wow.
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going on? Maybe you're their god.
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- I know, right? - Cherlene. - What?!
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- So, phrasing's just dead then? - What is your...?
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Cherlene! Cherlene!
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- Are you sure? The room is okay? - Yeah, it's fine, whatever.
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Don't you, like, have a war to go to?
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- our terms? - I... but Cherlene? - Is exhausted.
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- always get stuck together. But I kind of don't mind it. - Hmm, actually I don't
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Ropper... Wow, that's awful.
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Whoa, whoa, uh, uh, oh, I ju... oh, ah, I just...
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- you, sir. - No, no, you didn't, aren't, or rather you couldn't,
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sorry, at least with regards to towels.
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- getting towels! - Who are you, Princess... hang on... Lana?
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- are you? - Nope! - Goddamn it.
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Hmm. Hmm... Maybe to start?
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Well, I should hope so. Or is that not...?
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- Wait, really? Anything? - Yes?
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- And well I do! Please forgive me. - I mean...
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- No, we're in Central America. - Oh, my God!
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- It looks kind of... - Ugh, Pam, they can't leave valuable towels and ice
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that happy hour I smell? Yes, Mr. Archer. Please join us.
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- Good, then it's settled. - If you say so,
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- and let me handle this. Because the problem, Gustavo... - Ooh.
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- Ooh. - And so, if you want any more weapons, you'll have to
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- cost 40 millions. - What?! - Yes, it is an Ivan
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layer of pure white. Until you can see nothing of the painting below.
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My wife.
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- so I should go there right now and find them. - No, no, no, no,
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- Exhausting. - Mmm.
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Oh, how... Inspiring, really.
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may crush the rebel dogs. Did they tell you what is for dinner?
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- gotta stitch... oh... - Damn it, I don't have time for... wait, Pam, did you
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- Of me! We're running to find them. - Wait, what?
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- What're you... we can't kill them! - Well, not now.
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maybe not in the hall, but it's not like they make ice with trays.
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Uh, hang on. Okay.
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- Why would you think that?! - I'm sorry, do you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 10 (S05E10) - 50
Or a woman you literally bump into on the train.
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 24, 2014

Archer avoids crash landing in a dangerous swamp only to come face-to-face with a shady arms dealer.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 1
- film in this? - Goddamn it!
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- Yes. - Are you...?
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And it's not that we don't appreciate criticism.
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- Nothing! - Yeah, Lana.
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No, unfortunately we ran into some...
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- Cyril! - Ray, what do I do?!
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- middle of the damn Everglades. - Well, not within fuel
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Even if Ray had filed a flight plan...
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- heavy? - You said we had
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Please tell me that was never a real thing to you.
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Plus, all this cocaine! Do you have any idea how mad
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 12
- Excuse me? - I meant the pain of
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Why do you think it's marked on the chart, you idiot?
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- They'll kill us! - Well... maybe not.
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Uh, we obviously d... Oh. Hardy har, Mother.
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- What are you doing?! - Throwing out the guns!
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Yeah!
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- Tell you in a minute. - Gear down!
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Oh, so, Cyril...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 20
instead of those little rubber bands in there, it's just, you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 21
Okay, listen up. Say what you will about my
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 22
- God. - Always.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 23
No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 24
- beanbag. - Medical fact, Cyril.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 25
- American. - Yeah, and the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 26
- uh... - Uh, Rand... o.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 27
think we covered that fairly well-- and these are the, uh,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 28
What, you're just not gonna answer?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 29
to address that, which we did and now we're here and...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 30
- on the planet... - Which we
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 31
- fellas loaded. - Yeah, now you're
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 32
- Am I right, fellas? - Are you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 33
You do know where you're going, right?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 34
So, you leave here with a bunch of the first load of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 35
I love Freaky Friday as much as the next gal, but let's just
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 36
a beanbagging arms dealer, so that now, almost inexplicably,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 37
Still talking about this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 38
Maybe I was busy saving your life once, and then you shot me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 39
It still says "German East Africa."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 40
- a country. - And it's in the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 41
forces consolidate their gains in the countryside, and now
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 42
young man here, the fruit of San Marcos, wounded by a Communist
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 43
- As in who cares. - The United States.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 44
My album's coming out, and it's gonna be huge, and you're all
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 45
I think you've managed to stumble backwards
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 46
- timid man, Cyril. - What? No, I'm not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 47
cocaine, do we even still have half of it left?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 48
been working on a bit of a side project.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 49
- Thoughts? - How you gonna get it
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 9 (S05E09) - 50
ballast, and what better to simulate bricks of cocaine than,
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 17, 2014

Archer, Ray, and Cyril raft down a crocodile-filled river while Lana and Pam plan a spa day for Malory.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 1
...and then, by some other even bigger miracle, get us out of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 2
And you didn't even take a moment?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 3
- Oh. sorry. - Do me! Do me, do me,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 4
record contract, and I think we should move on.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 5
- elegance. - Well, have you tried
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 6
- Archer... Archer... - Aw.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 7
these fake wires in here that don't connect to any...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 8
Um, okay, if Archer calls, I'll...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 9
seriously might be, like, nearing the end of her rope.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 10
That crooked idiot, drunk murdering cop did!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 11
- a goddamn rope?! - I...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 12
What do you even think you're doing?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 13
Oh, man. Now give me the goddamn weapon.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 14
- Goddamn it. - I think it's a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 15
They eat everything! And fear is their bacon bits.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 16
I don't understand what you're say...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 17
- regular iced tea. - Yeah, this is a Long
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 18
We're not giving her cocaine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 19
Getting shitty drunk on two different kinds of liquor,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 20
wouldn't even enjoy...! Ow!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 21
Let's give an M-16 to a bunch of wild Indians!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 22
I didn't know in your scenario the indigenous people were
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 23
What? No. I can't go out like this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 24
actually find this to be all that relaxing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 25
- basin? - How should I know?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 26
- around me and set it on fire. - Why...?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 27
Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 28
For the night! ♪ Damn it, Ray!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 29
- Oh, my God! - Shoot it! Shoot it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 30
No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 31
- out. W-w-were you g-g-gonna
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 32
goddamn times, because I got drunk to cope with the fact I
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 33
- it. - Wait. What?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 34
- had ever seen before. - Wha?! When was that?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 35
- at? - Oh, my God, that's
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 36
What was that, Ray?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 37
What's wrong is we're about to be on fire!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 38
What the hell are you...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 39
- F... - Forgive, yes.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 40
asshole, you could've killed us!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 41
Well, long-term, I was thinking home.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 42
- Cyril. - What if I need a gun?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 43
guys. I think the spa day took her
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 44
we're talking about so... probably not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 45
Aha! See? That's what I resent.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 46
Hey, do you think those guys are Doctors
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 47
the country, so we can either walk out-- which, no, no, we
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 48
So, Cyril, lock and load that stick.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 49
Manos arriba.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 8 (S05E08) - 50
Um...wait, what was it? Arriba! Goddamn it.
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 10, 2014

Archer travels to Columbia on a secret mission that becomes not so secret after he gets drunk.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 1
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- I... - Is there a name
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 3
gringos waltz in and start asking around for the woman
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 4
Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 5
Use the... the surveillance satellite.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 6
- inside the house. - Well, what the hell
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 7
Jesus Christ. Thanks for the concussion,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 8
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I mean, not literally to your heads.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 10
compare to helping overthrow democratically elected
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 11
future on the next big shipment of Stinger missiles to that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 12
Not to mention a bunch of people, which, compared to
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 13
Maybe at ISIS. But on ISIS missions, you had
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 14
I just feel like such a tourist.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 15
Snacklesnap. It's where you take artsy photos
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 16
- it. - ♪ Mmm,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 17
Colombia with millions of dollars of cocaine?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 18
Woooohoohoohoooo!!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 19
- $50. - Still, though.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 21
About 15 steps ahead
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 22
it... I think I actually may
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 23
Placet moveri, iudices.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 24
¡No se muevan! ¿Dónde están?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 25
Serious shit, come on.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 26
Either heroic vigilantes trying to restore law
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 27
- us out. - Yeah, and after you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 28
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Sorry in advance for this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 31
- I can! - Guys, we really need
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 32
Oh, I'm sorry, Ray. By "hammer," I meant
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 33
sit here and wait for those guys to drive up and murder us.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 34
worried I would die without knowing how it felt to get my
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 35
and "gaping hole" are kind of begging for it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 36
- ¿Qué? - Archer!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 37
I told you, all about the machismo.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 38
- a Phi Mu Fun Run. - We called them Phi Moo.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 39
- you follow me. - Oh, yeah, uh, about
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 40
- Why the hell are you smiling?! A-- we're not their
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 41
"Putting pressure on him."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 42
Sterling?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 43
I took your falafel, and you were chasing me all around the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 44
your phone back. Which I think is why it sounds
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 45
- is very... surprising. - Not as surprising as
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 46
You talk almost
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 47
- Wha... - Javier!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 48
Wait, no, that's grams, so...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 49
No.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 7 (S05E07) - 50
Oh, man... How is it noon?
Aired 3 years ago - Mar 03, 2014

Archer decides to give Lana the perfect baby shower gift by forcing Kenny Loggins to sing a duet with Cherlene. Something something Danja Zown!

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 1
Yes, mum.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 2
- Krieger sells it all! - Before what?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 3
Ah... Or a lot of the other shit I do.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 4
U.S. dollars whenever we want. I call 'em Kriegerrands.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 5
Jesus,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 6
What's up her gigantic giant ass?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 7
- Um... - Pfft, you mean a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 8
Cherlene, go pick or grin or something, and the rest of
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 9
up to you. Don't cock it up like you did
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 10
- Sir? - Here, here's...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 11
- O.D. on, bec... - Will do!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 12
Pam. Danger zone. ♪ Wait, wait, wait, no.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 13
- about it. - Because it kind of seems
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 14
Not without a pass you're not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 15
That's what we field agents call... Hmm.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 16
some field craft. A, there's no way a superstar
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 17
access the computer terminal at reception, so just follow my
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 18
- touch! - Hands off Mr. Loggins!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 19
Holy shit zaps!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 20
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 21
games at the baby shower. There's Don't Drop the Baby, uh,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 22
- eyes until you are blind. - Goddamn, Shawshank.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 23
- Well... - But... Hush. I have a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 24
birth cheese. I only had $200.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 25
sweet wigs and another $300 for Kenny Loggins' room number.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 26
I, uh... sold some artwork?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 27
Is there a Ruby? See if there's a Ruby.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 28
Now, I cannot stress this enough, Pam: follow my lead.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 29
Why do I pay you 20 grand a month?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 30
- order room service. - Sure, you did.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 31
to reevaluate this whole K-Log thing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 32
I am open to blow jobs for money. I only got eight bucks on me,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 33
So you agree with Borgnar's pathetic little errand boy?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 34
Yeah, Ricky.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 35
- murder Kenny Loggins. - Wait, wait, wait, wait,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 36
Okay, that's just unacceptable. Pam, I'm going in!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 37
Tell Borgnar I'll see him in hell!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 38
Holy shit. What kind of colossal idiot
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 39
that thing? Why, yes, Archer, yes, I can.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 40
It's just a thing I do.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 41
no, don't, no, don't...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 42
- Ooh. - You
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 43
- So, Borgnar? The briefcase? - I don't know anyone
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 44
Is there some way I can make this all up to you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 45
Although, that being said..
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 46
Ugh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 47
And also, what the hell happened to you?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 48
to the danger zone ♪ I'll take
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 49
Well, I suppose me. And all of this.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 6 (S05E06) - 50
Pardon me, mum. This was delivered for
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 24, 2014

Malory buys a bus and takes everyone on a road trip. Put that hammer down and give it hell.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 1
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- ten-goddamn-four?! - How about how much did this cost?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 4
anything. All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 5
- out to pro-abortion, super-PACs! - Still no words.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 6
- The what? - Okay, first of all...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 7
- a car with T-tops and a four-barrel. - Wha... Who's gonna do
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 8
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anywhere else? It's bad enough I have to drive 24 hours straight.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 10
Sorry, I'm a bit stressed out about Cherlene getting a record deal.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 11
when the Feds took ISIS, and Ron took what little I had left, so now I need to
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 12
- Uh... oh! Uh, sorry, Archer. - Exactly the opposite
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 13
- Ow! Whose ring is that, the Pope's?! - Ouch!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 14
and B: If they weren't sitting on a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 15
- cocaine to forget they live there. - Yeah, but not 100 pounds.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 16
Well, but see if there is one, just
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 18
booze, and soft cheeses, I'm also supposed to abstain from bus crashes!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 19
- Hey, sleepyhead! Welcome to Texas! - Already?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 20
Uh, breaker breaker, you got your
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 21
Truck stops... are crazy awesome! This is Snowball, good buddy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 22
- Obviously, you idiot! Why?! - Kidnapping!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 23
Hey, treebeard! Take me with you! You can do unspeakable
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 24
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 25
but neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 26
- Gun-gun-gun-gun! Cyril look out! - No!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 27
- Cyril, do not stop this bus! - Okay!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 28
Are you, like, sure you brought it?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 29
Where's my gun, Pam?! What, did you spit it in some trucker's mouth, too?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 30
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- Oh shi... - ...it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 32
No? No? No?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 33
- Lana! - Yeah, you're one to talk.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 34
Well, it's a good damn thing I ain't paying you to think!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 35
What?! I mean, that's just absolutely crazy. We have nothing.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 36
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Sorry, I had to sell it. Chop-chop! Get the lead out, lickbag!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 38
Whew! Okay, that's got it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 39
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- Oh, shit! - Yeah, I'm gonna pull over.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 41
- Are you nuts?! - Are you? You want them to get
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 42
- Burt Reynolds! - They don't have the coke, lickbag!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 43
That because of your fat, blabbering mouth Lana would get caught with it
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 44
♪ We got a long way to go ♪ ♪ And a short time to get... ♪
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 45
- What the shit, Snidely Whiplash?! - Now both of our cars
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 46
price to pay for beauty!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 47
Nobody really knows! Hang on!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 48
- you have coke, Pam. - Well, and the snowballs, but...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 49
That's just subcutaneous adipose tissue. Albeit a shitload of it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 5 (S05E05) - 50
but explain all that to the Brazos County judge, and maybe he'll...
Aired 3 years ago - Feb 03, 2014

Archer has to stage an intervention for Pam that gets derailed by an unwanted guest.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 1
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You know how strong she is. Might as well be green and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 3
I learned it by watching you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 4
- Right? - We're not killing Pam!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 5
- Ew! - Right?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 6
Right? This place is like a Habitrail--
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 7
- pornos in my ancestral home?! - Ah, einige
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 8
- improved mind control chip. - Improved?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 9
- Wait, what are we doing? - Stabbing science into
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 10
- famous. - I could be
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 11
- Nobody do anything! - Lana...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 12
- woman said...! - Lana.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 13
And, Krieger, I hope you have a lot more where this came from
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 14
Woodhouse, I swear to God, if you tell me lunch is four
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 15
Firm twelve.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 16
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 17
cocaine in the kitchen-- can be lawfully seized as evidence.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 18
I insist that you leave immediately, as you have entered
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 19
engaging in treason, espionage or anything else illegal.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 20
- He's just a little boy. - But whatever is wrong
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 21
- quite interesting... - What... about... the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 22
- idea? - I do not.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 23
- That's a thing?! - How do you not know
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 24
- literally? - Seriously, dude, what is
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 25
torturing a woman? Hang on, ma'am!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 26
but if we're doing a new thing and nobody told me-- that I'd
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 27
I'm fine. Just get out, leave me alone!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 28
for months. What the hell have you been
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 29
Ugh! Or I get arrested and give birth
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 30
Uh, well enough to know you're down here wondering
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 31
hypertension, preeclampsia, Braxton-Hicks contractions,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 32
you. Blow me!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 33
Okay, um, thanks for your concern, and I don't know
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 34
They don't even dry them off!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 36
- Open this door! - Well, not now...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 37
punishable... Ow!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 38
Bac-Os on our prison salad. Besides, technically, Woodhouse
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 39
- Yes. - Between the FBI and a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 40
- Why are you slowing down?! - Need... got to...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 41
leaving? They can't compel a husband and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 42
- and held on, would you? - Ron, wait!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 43
Don't you dare! At the very least, I insist on a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 44
- just once? - Ow! I was serious
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 45
- Well, this is great! - How?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 47
- back in there?! - Because I said so!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 48
Woodhouse, get away from the door!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 49
And you actually have no right to search this house.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 4 (S05E04) - 50
- Agent Holly. - Good, because I'll be
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 27, 2014

Pam makes a deal that puts everyone in danger. Archer dons his slightly darker black suit to save the day.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 1
Sweater.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 3
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 4
And both of whom bring up extremely uncomfortable
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 5
one about a crippled cyborg, who all he did was pussy-ache about
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 6
- Indian clubs and medicine balls? - Hello?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 7
- Amphetamines?! - Right?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 8
You know, relatively. When compared to the deadly and
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 9
- find you? - Um...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 10
You, too, Ojiisan. Or three, or whatever.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 11
Mmm, mm-hmm.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 12
Ugh, yes, the mind can, in fact, vomit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 13
Oh, dear God.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 14
Oh, for... I don't
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 15
and then use them to play, in its entirety and on your
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 16
Your new home is so beautiful, but I did not bring
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 17
Oh, who remembers? Well, what did he say?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 18
But if all Moto wants is his drugs...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 19
Let's just give Moto his drugs and be glad we dodged
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 20
of your share of the profits.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 21
...phorically speaking, Pam, we got it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 22
Pam screwed the Yakuza out of a million bucks
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 23
with the counterfeit money we got from selling cocaine.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 24
Ugh! Fine, $2 million. Okay, $5 million.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 25
Why did you insult him?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 26
daylight vampires, who are probably scuttling up the drain
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 27
Whoa, I stand extremely corrected.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 28
trains, and then it was a sort of very long, sad slide into
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 29
Um, "Danger Zone"?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 30
- Noop... - What do you mean,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 31
I have been incredibly supportive of you!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 32
Going Josh Randall on these dicks!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 33
I didn't do it! I was just...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 34
with you?! You shoot like an old
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 35
Oh, my God, the darkness, babe, I'm slipping
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 36
- Ron's gonna die? - Wait, Ron's
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 37
secret tunnels.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 38
runaway slaves and sell them back to their rightful owners.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 39
the way up to Lenox Hill Hospital.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 40
Oh, it bankrupted him, and the crazy
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 41
- Just asking. - Lana and Mother, you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 42
Slowly dying, for all anyone cares.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 43
No, I'm not, Lana, so shut your dicktrap.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 44
But seriously? A floor model?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 45
Sorry! I'm walking backwards here.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 46
it up! Hey-oh!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 47
Shit. By the time I'm 60, I bet I'll
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 48
Unless... well, I suppose that all depends
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 3 (S05E03) - 50
Oh, God.
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 20, 2014

Archer, Pam and Lana travel to Miami to visit some old friends. It's a fondue party!

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 1
- Musketeer, huh?! - Kinda.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 2
chocolate chip ice cream. In your refrigerated drawer.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 3
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 4
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 5
My God, how I envy the deaf.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 6
Bribe with what? The government seized the
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 7
is a cash-based business. Why don't I just leave that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 8
Yeah, I'm hoping the mattresses
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 9
Pam, chop chop, torso! Ugh, this smells like a kennel,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 10
Hang on. Legs!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 11
Oh my God, I forgot about the space pirates!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 12
kind of like the A-Team, but we sell drugs.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 13
- Stop eating it, dammit! - Pam?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 14
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 15
Really, so this super-judgy feeling I'm feeling is just me
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 16
two days into this whole drug cartel thing,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 17
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 18
- Sterling can you hear me? - Ramón?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 19
you in the future, once medical science had
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 20
buy this business with some little money I borrow from Mamá,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 21
I say yes, I know some maybe people,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 22
that place...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 23
Implying that you two haven't ever, cough,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 24
these buyers of yours, Ramón. Who are they?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 25
- I know. - Don't you think
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 26
- Or even unlaughable? - Get out!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 27
- Yeah, that'll teach me. - Tough day, huh?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 28
to be a country singer so badly? Besides being clinically insane.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 29
I mean it's not great, but... This is still some primo shit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 30
Or whatever, here's your fondue set, and...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 31
to throw in another... five dollars?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 32
a little closer to nineteen and a half?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 33
never felt better! I hope that lasts.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 34
- wouldn't bring any guns... - We didn't,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 35
- Oh my God the burden. - Make sure
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 36
Sterling, are you angry with me?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 37
isn't loco, it's -- Wait, what's the word
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 38
that's crazy, we didn't even kiss!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 39
- with our million bucks. - A million and eighty.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 40
- Oh, you were serious? - Alright, I'm going home,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 41
- Carol? - Yep yep yep!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 42
she doesn't know anyone's watching.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 43
- they just redid the kitchen. - Ahem.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 44
- Right?! - Popety, pop pop pop, pow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 45
we're pretty happy. Even though it's gonna be a
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 46
- Poppety pop pop, cocaine. - So can you
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 47
- Who is you-know-who?! I, uh --
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 48
Sterling... díos mio,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 49
What, like hearted? Ramón, what the hell,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 2 (S05E02) - 50
All I ask, is one small favor...
Aired 3 years ago - Jan 13, 2014

ISIS is raided and disbanded by the U.S. government when it transpires that the agency was never sanctioned by them. Its former staff discover a hidden vault containing one-ton of cocaine, and form a drug cartel to sell the drugs to fund their retirements. Then, Archer becomes Archer Vice.

Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 1
Bitches, I am pregnant!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 2
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 3
- Goddamn it, I can't hear... - Brett?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 4
She meant who the hell are these guys, you big dumb idiot asshole!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 5
Nobody move! FBI!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 6
Ow.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 7
Uh, in addition to the attempted murder of a federal agent?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 8
Is this about the fake hydrogen bomb?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 9
And like 50 times I lied.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 10
On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 11
What are you gonna do, taser...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 12
Thank you.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 13
I don't care who you are, when you get zapped with 50,000
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 14
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 15
- You know... - Zip it!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 16
You heard me, J. Edna.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 17
And I mean from everything.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 18
Yeah, until he got blown up.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 19
One of which belonged to the prime minister of goddamn Italy.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 20
I want to say... Burt Reynolds?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 21
I want to say Burt Reynolds.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 22
Which time?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 23
- And so if I were you... - You'd get laid a lot more?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 24
Oh, nice to meet you, Mrs. Hello My Kid's From A Sperm
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 25
I can't believe they fell for that.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 26
Then that's where you say...
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 27
- Uh... - Oh, shit.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 28
I'm serious-- we can go underground, get new identities,
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 29
Okay, that-that
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 30
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 31
"Cheryl and/or Carol Tunt."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 32
Or wherever, but come on, chop-chop, I got to go start enjoying my immunity.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 33
Would you just come on?
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 34
Because, spoiler alert, they're unisex.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 35
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 36
No, no, no, no, no.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 37
"In lieu of criminal prosecutions for..."
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 38
You got to be kidding me.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 39
Even if it weren't legal, they'd enforce it.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 40
Bunsen frickin' Honeydew!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 41
Oh, and our health insurance.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 42
Tightly by my childhood's throat.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 43
I'm gonna be bigger than Mac Davis.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 44
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 45
Although, I guess I could always go back to being a defense attorney.
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 46
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 47
Are you done?!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 48
- Well... - Wha...? Oh, come on!
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 49
Recap of Archer (2009) Season 5 Episode 1 (S05E01) - 50
We're gonna go ahead and take the cocaine and the money.